Ladies, if a man says he will fix, he will.
There is no need to remind him every six months about it.
My sex life is like a Ferrari.
I don't have a Ferrari.
My mother in law is coming . . .
I had to clear out half my closet so she could have a place to hang upside down and sleep.
NASA's robot Curiosity landed on Mars.
Early pictures show no signs of ESPN, beer, or porn.
This makes it very clear that men are not from Mars.
I once won an argument with a woman . . . In this dream I had.
I'm writing a book about reverse psychology . . .
Please don't buy it.
I tried exercise, but I was allergic to it.
My skin flushed and my heart raced. I got sweaty and short of breath.
Very dangerous.
My ex is living proof of how stupid I can be.
I want one of those jobs where people ask,
"Do you actually get paid for doing this?"
It's funny when my girlfriend give me the "silent treatment."
She thinks it is a punishment.
If there was a way to read a woman's mind, I'm not sure I would want to.
I hate shoes, shopping, gossip, and I already know I'm annoying.
Whenever someone say to me, "You look familiar. Where have I seen you before?"
I like to respond with, "Do you like porn?"
Men have feelings too.
For example, we feel hungry.
Judging by the frying pan that just flew by my head, I did something wrong.
I can't wait to find out what it was.
I heard a guy complaining about how expensive his wedding is.
He is going to be real pissed when he finds out how much his divorce is going to cost.