The Purina Diet

[01FLTR]

Yesterday I was at my
> local Target buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my
> loyal pet, Sheriff, the Wonder Dog, and was in the checkout
> line when woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she
> think I had, an
> elephant?
>
> So since I'm
> retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that
> no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet
> again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I
> ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50
> pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with
> tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both
> arms.
>
>
> I told her that it was
> essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is
> to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply
> eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is
> nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to
> try it again. (I have to mention here that practically
> everyone in line was now enthralled with my
> story.)
>
>
>
>
> Horrified, she asked
> if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
> poisoned me.
>
>
> I told her no, I
> stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's ass and a
> car hit us both. I thought the guy behind her was going to
> have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Target
> won't let me shop there
> anymore.
>
>
>
> Better watch what
> you ask retired people. They have all the time in the world
> to think of crazy things to
> say.
>
>
>