bigbadbrother
09-03-2014, 09:12 PM
GETTING OLDER
A distraught senior citizen
phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my
condition because this prescription is
marked 'NO REFILLS'."
***********************
An older gentleman was on the operating table
awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to
speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best,
and just remember, if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me, your mother
is going to come and live with you and your wife."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying
about your age and start bragging about it.
This is so true.
I love to hear them say "you don't look that old."
---------------------------------
The older we get, the fewer things
seem worth waiting in line for.
(Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the
first place!!)
---------------------------------
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know why I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads
weren't paved.
********************
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back
to youth, think of Algebra.
-------------------------------
One of the many things no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change from being young.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.
*********
First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper...it's worse when
you forget to pull it down.
````````````````
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around
Wal-Mart when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I 'm looking
for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little
desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her,
what does she look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is
wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."
*********************
(And this final one especially for me,)
"Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder
and Your hand over my mouth!"
Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . .
stick around awhile . . .
it will!
A distraught senior citizen
phoned her doctor's office.
"Is it true," she wanted to know,
"that the medication you prescribed has to be taken
for the rest of my life?"
"'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence
before the senior lady replied,
"I'm wondering, then, just how serious is my
condition because this prescription is
marked 'NO REFILLS'."
***********************
An older gentleman was on the operating table
awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,
a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to
speak to his son.
"Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best,
and just remember, if it doesn't go well,
if something happens to me, your mother
is going to come and live with you and your wife."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Aging:
Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying
about your age and start bragging about it.
This is so true.
I love to hear them say "you don't look that old."
---------------------------------
The older we get, the fewer things
seem worth waiting in line for.
(Mostly because we forgot why we were waiting in line in the
first place!!)
---------------------------------
Some people try to turn back their odometers.
Not me!
I want people to know why I look this way.
I've traveled a long way and some of the roads
weren't paved.
********************
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back
to youth, think of Algebra.
-------------------------------
One of the many things no one tells you about aging
is that it is such a nice change from being young.
~~~~~~~~~~~
Ah, being young is beautiful,
but being old is comfortable.
*********
First you forget names, then you forget faces.
Then you forget to pull up your zipper...it's worse when
you forget to pull it down.
````````````````
Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around
Wal-Mart when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I 'm looking
for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention
to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little
desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her,
what does she look like?"
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,with red hair,
blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra, long legs, and is
wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?'
To which the old guy says, "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."
*********************
(And this final one especially for me,)
"Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder
and Your hand over my mouth!"
Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . .
stick around awhile . . .
it will!