jazzman
04-17-2015, 09:47 PM
FAMOUS INVENTIONS
The toilet seat was invented in Minnesota, but twenty years later a
North Dakotan invented the hole in it.
------------------------------------------------
OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS
When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately
threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, 'I'm not going down dere
yust for 50 cents.'
-------------------------------------
THAT'S HER!
A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police
line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, 'Yep,
dat's her!'
--------------------------------
VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE
Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned
with only one fish. 'The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400' said
the first Norwegian.
'Vell,' said the other one, 'At dat price it's a good ting ve
didn't catch any more.'
-------------------------------------
THE RELATIONS
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89.
One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole
reached over and patted Lena on her knee. 'Lena , vat ever happened tew
our sex relations?' He asked.
'Vell, Ole, I yust don't know,' replied Lena . 'I don't tink ve
even got a card from dem last Christmas.'
-------------------------------------
MUSIC SOLUTION
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars
inquired how she was doing with it.
'Oh,' said Ole, 'I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet.' 'How
come?' asked Lars.
'Vell,' Ole answered, 'because vith a clarinet, she can't sing.
-------------------------------------
THE PRANK CALL
The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in
bed and Ole answers. 'Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand
miles from here' he says and hangs up.
'Who vas dat?' asks Lena .
'I donno, some fool wanting to know if da coast vas clear.’
-------------------------------
On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his
hand on Lena 's knee. Giggling, Lena said, 'Ole, you can go farther than
that if you vant to.
So Ole drove to Dulute.
-------------------------------
Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the
streets of the little town of Alexandria, Minnesota . The policeman, who
was a good friend of Ole's said,'Ole...What in the world are you doing?
Where are your clothes? You're naked.'
'Yah, I know,' said Ole. 'You see, I vas over to dat 'playboy'
Swen's for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us. Der vas boys
and girls.' \
'Is that right?', his policeman friend asked.
'Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, 'Everybody get into the
bedroom! 'So vee all go into the bedroom....where den he yells,
'Everybody git naked!' 'Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he yells,
'Everybody go to town!'
I guess I'm the first one here!
The toilet seat was invented in Minnesota, but twenty years later a
North Dakotan invented the hole in it.
------------------------------------------------
OUTHOUSE PROBLEMS
When Ole accidentally lost 50 cents in the outhouse, he immediately
threw in his watch and billfold. He explained, 'I'm not going down dere
yust for 50 cents.'
-------------------------------------
THAT'S HER!
A Norwegian appeared with five other men in a rape case police
line-up. As the victim entered the room, the Norwegian blurted, 'Yep,
dat's her!'
--------------------------------
VE COULDN'T AFFORD MORE
Two Norwegians from Minnesota went fishing in Canada and returned
with only one fish. 'The way I figger it, dat fish cost us $400' said
the first Norwegian.
'Vell,' said the other one, 'At dat price it's a good ting ve
didn't catch any more.'
-------------------------------------
THE RELATIONS
Ole and Lena were getting on in years. Ole was 92 and Lena was 89.
One evening they were sitting on the porch in their rockers and Ole
reached over and patted Lena on her knee. 'Lena , vat ever happened tew
our sex relations?' He asked.
'Vell, Ole, I yust don't know,' replied Lena . 'I don't tink ve
even got a card from dem last Christmas.'
-------------------------------------
MUSIC SOLUTION
Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars
inquired how she was doing with it.
'Oh,' said Ole, 'I persvaded her to svitch to a clarinet.' 'How
come?' asked Lars.
'Vell,' Ole answered, 'because vith a clarinet, she can't sing.
-------------------------------------
THE PRANK CALL
The phone rings in the middle of the night when Ole and Lena are in
bed and Ole answers. 'Vell how da hell should I know, dats two tousand
miles from here' he says and hangs up.
'Who vas dat?' asks Lena .
'I donno, some fool wanting to know if da coast vas clear.’
-------------------------------
On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his
hand on Lena 's knee. Giggling, Lena said, 'Ole, you can go farther than
that if you vant to.
So Ole drove to Dulute.
-------------------------------
Ole was arrested one night while walking bare naked down the
streets of the little town of Alexandria, Minnesota . The policeman, who
was a good friend of Ole's said,'Ole...What in the world are you doing?
Where are your clothes? You're naked.'
'Yah, I know,' said Ole. 'You see, I vas over to dat 'playboy'
Swen's for his birthday party. Dere vas about ten of us. Der vas boys
and girls.' \
'Is that right?', his policeman friend asked.
'Yah, Yah, anyvay, dat Swen, he says, 'Everybody get into the
bedroom! 'So vee all go into the bedroom....where den he yells,
'Everybody git naked!' 'Vel, vee all got undressed. Den he yells,
'Everybody go to town!'
I guess I'm the first one here!