Justdroppedin
07-11-2020, 11:49 PM
1. The Jewish Elbow
A Jewish grandmother is givingdirections to her grown grandson who is
coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of theapartment. I am in apartment 301. There
is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button301. I will
buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in,and with
your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left.. Withyour elbow, hit
my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but whyam I hitting all these buttons with my
Elbow?"
"What . . . You're comingempty handed?"
2. Wise Italian Grandfather
Why Italian fathers and grandfatherspass their handguns down through the
family.
An old Italian man is dying. He callshis grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I
wanna' you lissina me. I wanna' you to take-a my chrome plated.38 revolver so
you will always remember me."
"But Grandpa, I really don't likeguns. How about you leave me your Rolex
watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day yougonna be runna da business, you gonna
have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe acouple of
bambinos. "
"Somma day you gonna come-a homeand maybe finda you wife inna bed with
another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch andsay, 'times up'?"
3. Irish Blonde
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland,arrived at the casino. She
seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in asingle roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind,but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude"
with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice andwith an Irish brogue
yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumpedup and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!"
She hugged each of the dealers, pickedup her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each otherdumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "Whatdid she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know -I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not allblondes are dumb,
..... but all men..are men!
Global Facts About Sex
At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex -right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing afterhaving sex.
FACT: 1 old person is readingemails.
You hang in there, sunshine!
A Jewish grandmother is givingdirections to her grown grandson who is
coming to visit with his wife.
"You come to the front door of theapartment. I am in apartment 301. There
is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button301. I will
buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in,and with
your elbow, push 3. When you get out, I'm on the left.. Withyour elbow, hit
my doorbell."
"Grandma, that sounds easy, but whyam I hitting all these buttons with my
Elbow?"
"What . . . You're comingempty handed?"
2. Wise Italian Grandfather
Why Italian fathers and grandfatherspass their handguns down through the
family.
An old Italian man is dying. He callshis grandson to his bedside, "Guido, I
wanna' you lissina me. I wanna' you to take-a my chrome plated.38 revolver so
you will always remember me."
"But Grandpa, I really don't likeguns. How about you leave me your Rolex
watch instead?"
"You lissina me, boy. Somma day yougonna be runna da business, you gonna
have a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a big-a home and maybe acouple of
bambinos. "
"Somma day you gonna come-a homeand maybe finda you wife inna bed with
another man. Whatta you gonna do then? Pointa to you watch andsay, 'times up'?"
3. Irish Blonde
An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland,arrived at the casino. She
seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty thousand dollars in asingle roll of the dice.
She said, "I hope you don't mind,but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude"
with that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice andwith an Irish brogue
yelled, "Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!"
As the dice came to a stop, she jumpedup and down and squealed. "Yes! Yes! I won, I won!"
She hugged each of the dealers, pickedup her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.
The dealers stared at each otherdumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asked, "Whatdid she roll?"
The other answered, "I don't know -I thought you were watching."
MORAL OF THE STORY
Not all Irish are drunks, not allblondes are dumb,
..... but all men..are men!
Global Facts About Sex
At any given moment:
FACT: 79,000,000 people are having sex -right now.
FACT: 58,000,000 are kissing.
FACT: 37,000,000 are relaxing afterhaving sex.
FACT: 1 old person is readingemails.
You hang in there, sunshine!