Justdroppedin
04-04-2023, 12:36 PM
St. Peter announces that due to overcrowding, only extremely gruesome deaths will be admitted into heaven today, sorry for any inconvenience......
The first man comes up and Pete says, "How did you die?"
"Well, I's been suspicious that me wife been cheating on me, so I comes home early from work today to catch her, I does. She acts all innocent, she does. She says, 'Go ahead, search the apartment if that will make you feel better,' she says. So I checks the closet, under the bed, in some dresser drawers and out on the balcony. There, I finds this man hanging from the railing and cryin' like a six-year-old girl with a skinned knee. He says, 'Help me, oh help me,' he says.
"Sure, I can helps a fine bastard!" I says, do I. So I gets a hammer from inside and I smash this bugger's fingers until he falls six stories down, he does, but he's saved when he lands on a large pricker bush. I sees that he's not dead and I, still in a rage, I throws me refrigerator out the balcony, killing him. Right then, me heart gives out and I dies, I do."
Peter says, "Ok, in you go."
The second man comes up and Pete says "What's your story?"
The man says "Well, I was exercising out on my balcony on the seventh floor of my building when I slipped and fell over the edge. Luckily, I happened to catch hold of the railing on the balcony below me and was about to climb back up to safety when this ******* comes out, sees me, and smashes my hands with a hammer. I fell six stories onto a pricker bush and was badly hurt and frightened, but still alive. Next thing I know, that same guy drops a fridge on me and here I am."
Bored, Peter says, "OK, Next!"
The third man comes up and says, "So, here I am, hiding inside my brother's refrigerator..."
The first man comes up and Pete says, "How did you die?"
"Well, I's been suspicious that me wife been cheating on me, so I comes home early from work today to catch her, I does. She acts all innocent, she does. She says, 'Go ahead, search the apartment if that will make you feel better,' she says. So I checks the closet, under the bed, in some dresser drawers and out on the balcony. There, I finds this man hanging from the railing and cryin' like a six-year-old girl with a skinned knee. He says, 'Help me, oh help me,' he says.
"Sure, I can helps a fine bastard!" I says, do I. So I gets a hammer from inside and I smash this bugger's fingers until he falls six stories down, he does, but he's saved when he lands on a large pricker bush. I sees that he's not dead and I, still in a rage, I throws me refrigerator out the balcony, killing him. Right then, me heart gives out and I dies, I do."
Peter says, "Ok, in you go."
The second man comes up and Pete says "What's your story?"
The man says "Well, I was exercising out on my balcony on the seventh floor of my building when I slipped and fell over the edge. Luckily, I happened to catch hold of the railing on the balcony below me and was about to climb back up to safety when this ******* comes out, sees me, and smashes my hands with a hammer. I fell six stories onto a pricker bush and was badly hurt and frightened, but still alive. Next thing I know, that same guy drops a fridge on me and here I am."
Bored, Peter says, "OK, Next!"
The third man comes up and says, "So, here I am, hiding inside my brother's refrigerator..."