Justdroppedin
08-16-2023, 11:43 AM
The talent agent looks up from his paperwork and says, "All right, buddy, what's your schtick?"
The gentleman says, "I do it all! I sing, I dance, I tell jokes, I act, I do magic tricks, you name it!"
The man proceeds to sing one of the most complex tunes the agent had ever heard, and in perfect pitch. While singing, he breaks into a soft shoe routine, then starts kicking items from the floor up into the air and proceeds to juggle them. He stops singing and acts out a soliloquy from MacBeth. In the middle of the soliloquy he adroitly lands all the juggled items on the agent's desk, and then pulls the Ace of Spades from behind the agent's ear.
"Wow, that's amazing!" the agent exclaims. "We'll get you on the circuit immediately, you'll make millions! What's your name?"
"Penis van Lesbian."
"What? That's ridiculous. You'll have to change your name."
"I refuse to. The Van Lesbian family has a proud tradition stretching back centuries, and the Penis name belonged to several generations on my mother's side. I would break my parents' hearts if I changed it."
"Well, if you don't change your name, you'll never make it in this town. I can't be your agent."
The man storms out of the agent's office. "You'll see! I'll make it big in spite of you!"
Three years later the agent is sitting at his desk, opening the mail. He opens a manila envelope to find a headshot picture of the gentleman from three years prior, along with $1000 and a letter.
"Dear Mr. Agent," the letter read. "After storming out of your office I tried to make it on my own in the business, but I was kicked out of every venue the moment I told them my name. I finally took your advice, and now I'm on a country-wide tour and I've been signed on to my own television show, as well as headlining several motion pictures! Enclosed is $1000 as a way to say thank you for being so honest to me. My apologies for doubting you.
"Sincerely,"Dick van Dyke"
The gentleman says, "I do it all! I sing, I dance, I tell jokes, I act, I do magic tricks, you name it!"
The man proceeds to sing one of the most complex tunes the agent had ever heard, and in perfect pitch. While singing, he breaks into a soft shoe routine, then starts kicking items from the floor up into the air and proceeds to juggle them. He stops singing and acts out a soliloquy from MacBeth. In the middle of the soliloquy he adroitly lands all the juggled items on the agent's desk, and then pulls the Ace of Spades from behind the agent's ear.
"Wow, that's amazing!" the agent exclaims. "We'll get you on the circuit immediately, you'll make millions! What's your name?"
"Penis van Lesbian."
"What? That's ridiculous. You'll have to change your name."
"I refuse to. The Van Lesbian family has a proud tradition stretching back centuries, and the Penis name belonged to several generations on my mother's side. I would break my parents' hearts if I changed it."
"Well, if you don't change your name, you'll never make it in this town. I can't be your agent."
The man storms out of the agent's office. "You'll see! I'll make it big in spite of you!"
Three years later the agent is sitting at his desk, opening the mail. He opens a manila envelope to find a headshot picture of the gentleman from three years prior, along with $1000 and a letter.
"Dear Mr. Agent," the letter read. "After storming out of your office I tried to make it on my own in the business, but I was kicked out of every venue the moment I told them my name. I finally took your advice, and now I'm on a country-wide tour and I've been signed on to my own television show, as well as headlining several motion pictures! Enclosed is $1000 as a way to say thank you for being so honest to me. My apologies for doubting you.
"Sincerely,"Dick van Dyke"