any parents of sixteen year old girls out there?

[zoogor]

hey guys, heres the thing. im not gonna get into too much detail but what has happened is...i have a 1st cousin (female) and she has a daughter (16). well the daughter has not had a good home life ever, mother always moving in with a new guy for a year or two then on to the next well, i have taken in the daughter and given her a nice home. my wife and i and our own two little girls love her to death but man she's a hand full. we took her in this past monday and i think she has been here maybe two full days. we live in a very small community so lots of friends and easy to get to. we are responsible for her now but she seems to think she can do whatever she wants. man...it's stressing me out. i dont want to be a prick to her right off and i want her feel that we love her. i just know what 16 year olds do and i want her home more than not home.
how the hell do i tell her she cant spend the night at a friends house so often without upsetting her or should i not worrie about upsetting her?
i dont want her to take off and end up God knows where doing God knows what.
ugggggggh, i dont think im ready for a teenage girl.

[Just_angel]

oh boy!!! having raised a teenage girl ...i can tell you its not easy

my oldest was hard to handle , just when i thought hey things are going good she would pull something like climbing out the window to go sleep at a friends house because i said no!!! next came the boys...and believe she only liked the bad boy type ....not the nice boys that went to school and had summer jobs...nope had to gangster type...

she wouldn't attend school....she would skip and go hang out someplace

i had many sleepless night over my sweet daughter

well i can now say ...i did my best she just graduated from college with honors

shes an addictions councilor , so my friend hang in there it gets better as you can see :)

[zoogor]

i hope so angel. she aint a bad kid but like yours she seems to like the bad asses.
she did however, just call me and check in. so i know where she is right now thanks to caller id. lol
its a tough world out there now. so much trouble to get into.

[Just_angel]

i hope so angel. she aint a bad kid but like yours she seems to like the bad asses.
she did however, just call me and check in. so i know where she is right now thanks to caller id. lol
its a tough world out there now. so much trouble to get into.

all we can do is guide them and hope they listen , dang i wish kids came with a manual

no cellphone? i remember my daughter couldn't live without one

[zoogor]

she has always had a cell phone but the one she has now got a virus and when she turns it on it just goes blue so we gotta get her a new one soon. she has an i-pod touch so she does have facebook. lol

[Just_angel]

she has always had a cell phone but the one she has now got a virus and when she turns it on it just goes blue so we gotta get her a new one soon. she has an i-pod touch so she does have facebook. lol

koodo has some good deals and great plans :)

[zoogor]

i know, thanks. thats probably the way we'll go un less we can get a better deal on our plan. we got 3 phones on it now so maybe.

[folcan99]

I to have raised 2 girls and it sure aint easy but i do have to say that you got the, already molded one. Its gonna be hard to have to get her to obide by your rules but at 16, you do need to give her a little space due to the fact of what she has gone through in her life. Im sure she wont skip town since she really doesnt have anywhere to go but i think you should let her sleep over her freinds house but should phone their parents to let them know of the situation so they can keep an eye out for her. Slowley she will come to be a part of the family as she gets older and relizes the responsabilities and that fact that without any money, she really cant do anything.

[Chickwalla]

hey guys, heres the thing. im not gonna get into too much detail but what has happened is...i have a 1st cousin (female) and she has a daughter (16). well the daughter has not had a good home life ever, mother always moving in with a new guy for a year or two then on to the next well, i have taken in the daughter and given her a nice home. my wife and i and our own two little girls love her to death but man she's a hand full. we took her in this past monday and i think she has been here maybe two full days. we live in a very small community so lots of friends and easy to get to. we are responsible for her now but she seems to think she can do whatever she wants. man...it's stressing me out. i dont want to be a prick to her right off and i want her feel that we love her. i just know what 16 year olds do and i want her home more than not home.
how the hell do i tell her she cant spend the night at a friends house so often without upsetting her or should i not worrie about upsetting her?
i dont want her to take off and end up God knows where doing God knows what.
ugggggggh, i dont think im ready for a teenage girl.

My advice to you is to tell her what you just told us.Be honest with her and tell her how you feel.If she has any feelings she will see how much you love her .Main thing is be Honest with her in my opinion good or bad .Good luck;)

[justeric1agn]

man mine is 17 now.they are a handful. they seem to know everything now and know nothing. they want to tell you what to do. mine's favorite words seem to be shut up leave me alone and you need a haircut.lol i don't know you can threaten them beat on them (not recommended doesn't work) lol best thing to do is just talk to her like a friend and an adult. give her enough rope to hang herself and when she does take away something. phone money car ipod.

if shes boy crazy get her on the pill. polish you shotgun when boys come by.lol

just remember at this age there is no way o read them you never know what they are thinking. try to make her understand that if she doesn't get good education and a good job she will have it ruff like her mother. most of them pick up on this quick if they had a bad example for a parent.

just try to get her thru school without letting her end up pregnant and going thru life with a child she's not ready for. talking to her like a freind will go along ways.if you tighten the rains she will buck like a mule.

you may want to get a bottle of Grecian-Formula you may need it.lol

you have biten off alot. you will need alot of money girls that age need all kinds of things makeup cloths all kinds of stuff they think they need.lol

good luck and thanks she sounds like needs someone.

don't freak if she comes home with belly butoon rings pink hair.lol and just watch for warning signs if any for drugs.

[patch]

my oldest girl gave me grey hair. She not only snuck out of the house late at night, she would also take my truck, as I found out years later. She got her own key cut :eek:
It was tough couple years but it all worked out in the end.
I was such a softy with her :)
And now i got another girl who just turned 16 this year, a couple days after X-Mas... oh my :spin:

Years later at the age of 23, my oldest gave me my first Grandchild. I can't wait to take the little fella to the hardware store to get a key cut for his mom's vehicle ;)

Hang in there Zoogor. Don't slack on discipline when needed, but at same time give all the love and respect as often as you can.
I was sure at times that Cristy would purposely do just what I asked of her just so she didn't disappoint me, like phoning home to check in and stuff like that.

And get her a working phone. That phone is like a bodygaurd. Anything starts happening out there in that tough world that she doesn't like she can always phone home. And any unwanted attention drawn to her can be easily averted by just putting that phone to her ear.

[The Cobra]

hey guys, heres the thing. im not gonna get into too much detail but what has happened is...i have a 1st cousin (female) and she has a daughter (16). well the daughter has not had a good home life ever, mother always moving in with a new guy for a year or two then on to the next well, i have taken in the daughter and given her a nice home. my wife and i and our own two little girls love her to death but man she's a hand full. we took her in this past monday and i think she has been here maybe two full days. we live in a very small community so lots of friends and easy to get to. we are responsible for her now but she seems to think she can do whatever she wants. man...it's stressing me out. i dont want to be a prick to her right off and i want her feel that we love her. i just know what 16 year olds do and i want her home more than not home.
how the hell do i tell her she cant spend the night at a friends house so often without upsetting her or should i not worrie about upsetting her?
i dont want her to take off and end up God knows where doing God knows what.
ugggggggh, i dont think im ready for a teenage girl.

Think of it this way bud----instead of "i`m not ready for a teenage girl" maybe she`s not ready for parents who actually care enough to set her down some guidelines cause they simply love her. But she will be, once she realizes you care enough about HER and not just the making of rules. Don`t worry so much about "upsetting her" ---you will .....and she`ll upset you...that goes with the territory of any kid. Sounds like patience may be the key here patience and a bit of time, don`t let her walk all over you cause she won`t respect you for it, she`ll get worse. Be fair, be firm, be honest, be caring----whether she shows it or not, she`ll know it and that`s half the battle. Kids will find your weakness and push the buttons...stay calm and firm in your decisions. Never react out of anger.
I`ve raised both my daughters on my own, for 17 yrs now and both I`m proud to say have grown up to be fine young ladies-----but it wasn`t always that way----and anyone that tells you different about kids is lying.
Now is the time you have to "show" her you care---you can`t just say the words, sounds like she`s had lip service her whole life. If you guys eat at a certain time, make her a plate like everyone else whether she shows to eat it or not---she`ll notice. Leave the light on for her at nite---she`ll notice. Don`t make a production of "what we do for you" cause that`s suicide, just do for her cause you care without any fanfare---she`ll notice. And love her---she`ll notice. Maybe she`ll never say a word, a thanx, nadda---but she`ll notice and soon she`ll know she`s loved and only then after she trusts can she love back.

[justeric1agn]

one more thought let her read this thread.:thumbsup:

[clarkie]

A lot of great points here gang, its tough raising a teenager, never mind a teenage girl or young women, they are so so moody..lol...grey hair if u dont have any now u soon will..lol..The sleep over time is something all girls love to do.. we have a very good friendship with all my daughters friends, so this might be something u need to look in to ..have her friends feel confortable hanging at her new home...they come to my (our ) home and go rite in the fridge and help themselves to whatever they want..had 5 of her friends over for New Years Eve.. we cooked dinner for them and they had a ball..so make her feel a part of the family and her friends all so .. and u will be surprised how she looks at her new family...good luck and be firm..no mean no...they are just flexing there freedom but respect a no once in a while..:thumbsup:

[clarkie]

one more thought let her read this thread.:thumbsup:

Spoken from a DAD..good point:thumbsup:

[justeric1agn]

Spoken from a DAD..good point:thumbsup:
my girl would get mad say u embarassed me.lol but she would read it.lol then i would say i didn't know what to do so i ask my friends for help cause i love you. what can i do what would you do. i need your help.lol i love you i want this to work you deserve a good life. damn. ok

[clarkie]

my girl would get mad say u embarassed me.lol but she would read it.lol then i would say i didn't know what to do so i ask my friends for help cause i love you. what can i do what would you do. i need your help.lol i love you i want this to work you deserve a good life. damn. ok

U should have your own show justeric1agn...lol

[freddydog1]

good thread ,,iv raised 4 kids to adluts,2 boys and 2 girls,,by far girls are the hardest,,please dont take offense to this but girls lose their brain at around 15 and find it around age 20 ,,hang in there zogger,,explain your rules and be firm ,make her part of the family

[drparty333]

o my god,,,my daughter is 12,and she is a handfull NOW..........thanks everyone for the info

[The Cobra]

o my god,,,my daughter is 12,and she is a handfull NOW..........thanks everyone for the info

LMAO----enjoy your time bud----sh*t`s crick is just around the bend LOL

[JCO]

At that age they are no different than we were .. Its called testing the limits.. Someone said that she is just seeing how much you really care and thats true.. Honesty in the aproach is the key.. State whats expected from both parties and why and if there is mutual respect it will work.. Girls are no different than boys.. When I was 16 I was more interested in the bad girls than the good ones.. LOL

We are all the same, we went through this when we where teenagers and we have to give them the oportunity to learn for themselves..

[Blaster]

Great thread!! I've taken in my niece when she was 15. Long story... And my advice is very similar to many of the posts here. Be honest, share your feelings and fears for her. Let her know she is important to you. Trust me, she will see right through you if your lying, and just do what she wants. Let her have her space, but at the same time be firm about what time she is has to be home, for example. Its all about the balance here brother. Good luck!!

[mabs]

no two teenagers are the same but the first thing i would try is to sit down and talk to her. not all will listen but it might not hurt to get her opinion on what she might think are reasonable rules before laying the law down on her. who knows, she might be open to what you have to say as she might be looking for stability but doesnt know where it would start


hey guys, heres the thing. im not gonna get into too much detail but what has happened is...i have a 1st cousin (female) and she has a daughter (16). well the daughter has not had a good home life ever, mother always moving in with a new guy for a year or two then on to the next well, i have taken in the daughter and given her a nice home. my wife and i and our own two little girls love her to death but man she's a hand full. we took her in this past monday and i think she has been here maybe two full days. we live in a very small community so lots of friends and easy to get to. we are responsible for her now but she seems to think she can do whatever she wants. man...it's stressing me out. i dont want to be a prick to her right off and i want her feel that we love her. i just know what 16 year olds do and i want her home more than not home.
how the hell do i tell her she cant spend the night at a friends house so often without upsetting her or should i not worrie about upsetting her?
i dont want her to take off and end up God knows where doing God knows what.
ugggggggh, i dont think im ready for a teenage girl.

[fifties]

After going through what I did when my adopted stepdaughter turned 17, my advice is;

position a well secured steel chain with handcuff in her bedroom, long enough so she can use the bathroom.

Anyways, that's the ideal, lol.

[unruly]

got 2 very young daughters....................\/
am in for a world of hurt and I know it
but this is the way I see it
t's like a bird, if you cage it, that bird will never know freedom and the day you open the cage, it will fly away and never come back
but open the cage often and that bird will fly around and always come back to you
peasss

[kapeets]

A lot of excellent advice has been given in this thread.... I especially like the thought of letting her read this thread....

Have you thought about writing her a letter, and letting her read it alone, in her room, instead of one - on - one, which kids often see as a confrontation which they feel they can't lose face - even if they think you're right - they don't want to give in.....:rolleyes:

However, if you prefer to have a discussion, I suggest that timing is everything.... don't confront her as soon as she walks through the door.... I think she'll feel like she's getting swarmed...... Perhaps wait for a moment where she's calm, and capable of reflection.......ask her why she continues to hurt the ones that love her the most.... Don't make it a "guilt trip" (Not that I'm saying you've DONE this...) I also would not confront her with this in front of others at home.... she'll probably feel she's being "ganged up" on....

I still like the idea of writing her a letter...... kids that age love getting notes from their friends (I'm a high school teacher, and have spent the last 30 years with teens!!:rolleyes:)

Oh, and when MY daughter was in high school.... trust me, dad was NOT "cool"..... she barely spoke to me, if she didn't have to..... Now, things are MUCH better!! But that's teens for you..... God bless.... Hope things work out for you....

[zoogor]

thanks for all the suggestions guys. i wasn't expecting such a great response.
a lot excellent suggestions and thanks again some made a great deal of sense.
i will putting them to the test.
hey satfix

http://i55.tinypic.com/351a0x2.jpg

[satchick]

Honesty in the aproach is the key.. State whats expected from both parties and why and if there is mutual respect it will work..

We are all the same, we went through this when we where teenagers and we have to give them the oportunity to learn for themselves..

Excellent point JCO.... It's best to teach responsibility, instead of just saying "No". You have to give her a little freedom, that can be taken away if it is abused. My sister and I were always allowed a fair amount of freedom, but if we messed up it would be taken away. I have no idea how many times I've invited a few friends over to have a bonfire and a few drinks, but I do know not once did it get out of control. Rule number one was that no one drove home, you either got picked up my your parents, or I always let people set up a tent and camp out for the night. Yes, my parents knew and kept an eye on things, it was made clear to me that if things got wild I'd never be doing it again.

We also worked throughout high school, which taught further responsibility, as well as the need to manage our time wisely. I also spent quite a bit of time and my own money working on my first car, an older Cadillac my dad bought for me. My dad and I worked on it for a year and a half, and it was pretty much new again. The thought of doing anything crazy in it never crossed my mind, since I put so much work into it. I still have that car too, and I didn't put a single scratch on it...

I'm not quite sure what my point here is, I guess it is that teens will be teens, and a little freedom, with proper guidance is a good thing. I'm only in my mid-20's, so I still remember quite clearly much of what goes on, and it's impossible to shelter her from it... It just drives that behavior underground, where there is no supervision and no one to offer any guidance.

[camaroluvr]

my girl would get mad say u embarassed me.lol but she would read it.lol then i would say i didn't know what to do so i ask my friends for help cause i love you. what can i do what would you do. i need your help.lol i love you i want this to work you deserve a good life. damn. ok

I have 2 daughters 14 and 15..man i hear ya's..I didnt know the B-boy gansta crap would stick around so long..been trying to instill in their heads for years about finding a nice preppy guy, who would treat them right and would have access to their parents car, or stick with the B-boy ganster and enjoy walking..lol

[kenkell1]

hey guys, heres the thing. im not gonna get into too much detail but what has happened is...i have a 1st cousin (female) and she has a daughter (16). well the daughter has not had a good home life ever, mother always moving in with a new guy for a year or two then on to the next well, i have taken in the daughter and given her a nice home. my wife and i and our own two little girls love her to death but man she's a hand full. we took her in this past monday and i think she has been here maybe two full days. we live in a very small community so lots of friends and easy to get to. we are responsible for her now but she seems to think she can do whatever she wants. man...it's stressing me out. i dont want to be a prick to her right off and i want her feel that we love her. i just know what 16 year olds do and i want her home more than not home.
how the hell do i tell her she cant spend the night at a friends house so often without upsetting her or should i not worrie about upsetting her?
i dont want her to take off and end up God knows where doing God knows what.
ugggggggh, i dont think im ready for a teenage girl.
Tell her you love her, care for her and worry about her and all you would like in return is the respect any person deserves.
Respect is picking up the phone and saying, " Hi Uncle, I am fine and I am at so and so's house and will be home at ??"
Just remind her that there are some really sick people.....Wait I meant there are some really sick MEN out there and they have no remorse for some things they can and will do.
It's all trial and error but I am pretty sure she will be just fine because she has someone that really cares about her ;) Your a great man zoogor :)

[chalupa]

just went thru this and believe me, that eighteenth birthday cant come soon enough.:yeaah: She went from little angel to she devil over night

[zoogor]

just went thru this and believe me, that eighteenth birthday cant come soon enough.:yeaah: She went from little angel to she devil over night

gee thanks lol.
this is not what i was looking for ha ha ha.:no:

[The Cobra]

gee thanks lol.
this is not what i was looking for ha ha ha.:no:

look on the bright side bud-------------------it only lasts 4 or 5 yrs. That means you`ll age 10-12 before she`s done with you. LOL

[zoogor]

look on the bright side bud-------------------it only lasts 4 or 5 yrs. That means you`ll age 10-12 before she`s done with you. LOL

its gonna be a long ride im afraid. i still aint heard from her today. i know she sleeps late but its 1:40pm here now...geeeze. lol
hope she calls soon. me and my kids finished cleaning up her room and making it all homey for her. she has the whole up stairs to her self with a nice love seat and rocker recliner. gotta get her a tv somewhere soon.
thanks for the pm cobra. your a very wise man and i truly appreciate your time and advise.
http://i54.tinypic.com/313iuww.jpg

[The Cobra]

its gonna be a long ride im afraid. i still aint heard from her today. i know she sleeps late but its 1:40pm here now...geeeze. lol
hope she calls soon. me and my kids finished cleaning up her room and making it all homey for her. she has the whole up stairs to her self with a nice love seat and rocker recliner. gotta get her a tv somewhere soon.
thanks for the pm cobra. your a very wise man and i truly appreciate your time and advise.
http://i54.tinypic.com/313iuww.jpg

the whole upstairs? and a TV?, and a recliner? and a love seat? ----sh*t, the h*ll with her, throw in a fridge and I`ll move in.........................and I`ll pay rent!!!

my pleasure my friend, anytime.

[The Cobra]

its gonna be a long ride im afraid. i still aint heard from her today. i know she sleeps late but its 1:40pm here now...geeeze. lol
hope she calls soon. me and my kids finished cleaning up her room and making it all homey for her. she has the whole up stairs to her self with a nice love seat and rocker recliner. gotta get her a tv somewhere soon.
thanks for the pm cobra. your a very wise man and i truly appreciate your time and advise.
http://i54.tinypic.com/313iuww.jpg

Yeah-----I`m a genius all right.........till you wake up some morning and find this on your doorstep........................

http://thewildrover.blogs.ie/images/Bloody%20Irish.JPG


Sweet Dreams pal...................LMFAO

[zoogor]

Yeah-----I`m a genius all right.........till you wake up some morning and find this on your doorstep........................

http://thewildrover.blogs.ie/images/Bloody%20Irish.JPG


Sweet Dreams pal...................LMFAO

lol, remember, i am a bit of a redneck from a hick town and i have a few guns.

[wes block]

og buddy. i feel for you.

i hear stuff like this and am very thankful I have 2 doggies!

big hugs man

[wes block]

and may i point out how admirable it is for you to take in this responsibility!

[zoogor]

and may i point out how admirable it is for you to take in this responsibility!

thanks wes, i'd do it for anyone.

[The Cobra]

lol, remember, i am a bit of a redneck from a hick town and i have a few guns.

hope you have some silver bullets....................and a bottle of holy water.LOL

[JCO]

Excellent point JCO.... It's best to teach responsibility, instead of just saying "No". You have to give her a little freedom, that can be taken away if it is abused. My sister and I were always allowed a fair amount of freedom, but if we messed up it would be taken away. I have no idea how many times I've invited a few friends over to have a bonfire and a few drinks, but I do know not once did it get out of control. Rule number one was that no one drove home, you either got picked up my your parents, or I always let people set up a tent and camp out for the night. Yes, my parents knew and kept an eye on things, it was made clear to me that if things got wild I'd never be doing it again.

We also worked throughout high school, which taught further responsibility, as well as the need to manage our time wisely. I also spent quite a bit of time and my own money working on my first car, an older Cadillac my dad bought for me. My dad and I worked on it for a year and a half, and it was pretty much new again. The thought of doing anything crazy in it never crossed my mind, since I put so much work into it. I still have that car too, and I didn't put a single scratch on it...

I'm not quite sure what my point here is, I guess it is that teens will be teens, and a little freedom, with proper guidance is a good thing. I'm only in my mid-20's, so I still remember quite clearly much of what goes on, and it's impossible to shelter her from it... It just drives that behavior underground, where there is no supervision and no one to offer any guidance.

Listening to what they have to say is very important.. Also not sparing them of the consequenses of their decisions, be they good or bad..

[Dixie Darlin']

Much respect zoogor opening your home. Another thought too is invite her friends over instead of her going over there. And use that to get to know them as well. Give her some credit that she has made some good friends. Cant judge the book by its cover... By looks my oldest is judged as an odd one, but you couldnt ask for any better. She will also feel part of the family instead of just living there.

[kapeets]

thanks wes, i'd do it for anyone.

Just let her know you love her unconditionally, zoogor.... She'll come around eventually..... until then you've got some tough sledding ahead of you... With God and love, only good things can happen.....:comfort1:

[fifties]

lol, remember, i am a bit of a redneck from a hick town and i have a few guns.
Perfect.

When the Tomcats come a-callin' for her, make sure you are sitting on the front porch, polishing your most intimidating firearm...

[HBT]

lot of good stuff.its hard ..............be frim,be fare,yes means yes and no means no,but when it comes right down to it it takes every one to make it easy for where it works for one does not work for another the best way is to understand you are in it together,they will be bad days but there will be great days. hell in a way it keeps you on your toes,count on it. ya know i got 3 boys and a spoiled girl whoooooooowe like baseball buddy get up to the plate and take your a game youll need it but in time youll understand what a ride.well worth the fight for at times it is. PRAY hehehehehe to me there never know when or where HBT will show up have worked hard to keep it that way for it seems to make them stop and think just for a moment. and that is a plus. just jump in and do what you know is right.game over let the chips fall where they may.but whoooooooooooooowe you will learn WTF real well.heheheheheh keep a cents of humor bud........it will get you though.hehehehehehehehnothing like it.