justeric1agn
01-13-2011, 03:07 AM
Who's Funnier - Teachers or Cops?
Primary TEACHERS
These are actual comments made on student report cards by teachers in the New York
City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded, but some of these are really funny!
1.. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2.. I would not allow this student to breed.
3.. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4.. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5.. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6.. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
7.. This child has been working with glue too much.
8.. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9.. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000
others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
COPS
These 16 Police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the USA . In
spite of the perils of the job, they still have a sense of humor!
16. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through...'
15. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you
wear them a while.'
14. 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless
document.'
13. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
12. 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of
the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
11. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write
anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
10. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.
Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
9.. 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket.'
8.. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not..
Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
7.. 'Fair? You want 'fair'? Listen, fair is a place where you go on rides, eat cotton
candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey sh--.'
6.. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'
5.. 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
4.. 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
3.. 'No sir, we don't have quotas any more. We used to, but now we're allowed to
write as many tickets as we can.'
2.. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'
AND THE WINNER IS....
1.. 'You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here, please.'
The Blindingly Obvious is never Readily Apparent
George Rhinebeck
Primary TEACHERS
These are actual comments made on student report cards by teachers in the New York
City public school system. All teachers were reprimanded, but some of these are really funny!
1.. Since my last report, your child has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
2.. I would not allow this student to breed.
3.. Your child has delusions of adequacy.
4.. Your son is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.
5.. Your son sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
6.. The student has a 'full six-pack' but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together.
7.. This child has been working with glue too much.
8.. When your daughter's IQ reaches 50, she should sell.
9.. The gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
10. If this student were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
11. It's impossible to believe the sperm that created this child beat out 1,000,000
others.
12. The wheel is turning but the hamster is definitely dead.
COPS
These 16 Police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the USA . In
spite of the perils of the job, they still have a sense of humor!
16. 'You know, stop lights don't come any redder than the one you just went through...'
15. 'Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you
wear them a while.'
14. 'If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless
document.'
13. 'If you run, you'll only go to jail tired.'
12. 'Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of
the bullet that'll be chasing you.'
11. 'You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write
anything I want to on the ticket, huh?'
10. 'Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help.
Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?'
9.. 'Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again
or I'll give you another ticket.'
8.. 'The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not..
Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?'
7.. 'Fair? You want 'fair'? Listen, fair is a place where you go on rides, eat cotton
candy and corn dogs, and step in monkey sh--.'
6.. 'Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.'
5.. 'In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC.'
4.. 'How big were those 'two beers' you say you had?'
3.. 'No sir, we don't have quotas any more. We used to, but now we're allowed to
write as many tickets as we can.'
2.. 'I'm glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of
yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.'
AND THE WINNER IS....
1.. 'You didn't think we gave pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.
Sign here, please.'
The Blindingly Obvious is never Readily Apparent
George Rhinebeck