Short but ugly......

[Justdroppedin]

Her: What do you do?

Me: I race cars.


Her: Do you win many races?


Me: No, the cars are much faster.



My kids tell me that they want a cat for Chrismas this year.

We normally cook a turkey for Christmas, but if they want a cat, okay.



Me: Dad, am I adopted?

Dad: No, why would I pick you?



I saw a kid being beaten up by 2 other kids so I decided to help

No way that little brat can resist the three of us



I keep hearing music coming from the printer.

I think the paper is jamming.





A police officer jumps into his squad car and calls the station.


“I have an interesting case here,” he says.

“A woman shot her husband for stepping on the floor she just mopped.”


“Have you arrested her?” asks the sergeant.


“No, not yet. The floor’s still wet.”



Why do Scots wear kilts?

Because a sheep can hear a zipper from miles away.





My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction

So I packed up my stuff and right.

[steveOtoo]

Overwhelming evidence that this is Monday..................i think that's impeachable.